rolplay with me

[neo]

(the youn cub lay there playing inthe dirt waiting for something to happen))

[Pel]

Peering from beyond the tall grass, dark chestnut eyes watched from afar. Her toes gripped anxiously at the long stems of grass beneath her tiny paws as she pushed slowly forward, her bushy tail dragging gently behind her.

Her name was Monarch, and like all of those before her, she carried the markings of the Painted Wolf. Splashes of white and rustic brown were spread like wildfire all along her body, with a dash of white above her left eye and a dollop of black above her right.

"CHARGE!!" She screamed suddenly, charging out from behind the long stems of grass to tackle this ...strange creature she'd seen.

Unfortunately, she fell short before she could launch into a tackle, and sprawled out in a heap of color just before this cub playing in the dirt.

"Err...." She groaned, looking up shamefully at the lion cub. "...My name's Monarch. What's yours?"

[magiccat]

Ok so people before I begin, I'm just saying this to help. I don't EVER mean offence with anything I say or write on here. After all, that's what the practice threads are about, getting better at roleplaying.

Neo: You don't have to surround your roleplay writing with these ( ). This is just constructive criticism I did say I'd help you. I was going to practice RP with you but you have somebody else to do that with now, you can both practice together. Also, try to add more detail to you post. You could describe your characters surroundings, what your character looks like or have your character say they are bored, or something else, there is plenty you could do. Most people don't tend to like seeing one liners in roleplays so try to make you posts a bit larger. You don't have to write great long, chunky essays. But one paragraph would be a good improvement to start with. Doing those two things would improve your roleplaying.

whitewavespirit: (Do you mind if I call you spirit?) Very good. I can't think of much that can be improved on. Then again I'm not as good as some of the mods at this critical eye stuff. I think you're doing good and are ready to RP but, maybe stay and practice with Neo for a bit so he can improve. Hey, you may even become friends because you helped each other.

[Pel]

magiccat: Thank you. Actually, I already fully intended on doing that.

[neo]

(the young cub stares at the strance crature he had never saw one before he was dirty from playing in the mud)ooohhh hmmm hye were you trying to killl me

[Pel]

"No," She shivered in slight disgust at the dirty mud coating this young cub, and reached across to bap him across the back of the head. "No, silly, I was trying to tackle you. What are you doing away from your parents?"

[neo]

my my parents(suddenly he stops smiling and loses all the life out of his face alll he can feel is pure bitter darkness and fear and flashbacks of thouse terribly say)my mom was killed by my autie and my dad he..he killed himself (he starts crying)

[Pel]

"Oh..." She uttered, quietly. "I'm sorry, Where is the rest of your pride? Won't they take care of you? I know, in my family, if my mom can't feed me, someone else will. Did you run away?" All sorts of questions popped into her head, but as Monarch watched Neo's face, she could see the vacant expression of his bitter darkness. "You wanna romp with me and forget about it?"

[neo]

"my pride well I left them becuse I didn't think I was wrohy to take my farthers place I mean I basicly killed him I I should of helped him more yeah I ran away"his face britens up silghtly whenever he hears your inviting him"really sure cool lets go"

[Pel]

Her ears perked as the cub took her offer, and she immediately whirled around towards the opposite direction to let the romping ensue. "Maybe my family will take you," She thought out loud, leading the way to wherever adventure took them. "When was the last time you ate? What did you and your family eat? My family eats wildebeest, zebra, and impala. What do you wanna eat?"

[Kirsui]

Neo: You should try to make your posts longer than just 1-3 lines. In the real RPs posts are much longer than "one-liners".

As I already told you earlier, go have a look at the Hints and Tips section for some general hints and tips for developing role playing skills. ^^

To both Whitewave and Neo: When you quote what your characters say, please put the speech on a new line rather than write it all on one big block of text. It makes it much more easier to read.

[neo]

well when I did live with my family we used to wat atolope"Nei stoped just breathing in the morning air thinking how lucky it was for him to be alive you don't know whats it's like to go swiming then see your farthers dead face just staring at you I don't know if I'lll ever forget that"

[Pel]

Kirsui: Not a problem. I did that in my first post, but have lacked beyond that.

[neo]

anyway I must be boring you you really think your family will take me in

[Pel]

"Antelope?"

Monarch repeated, slowing to a stop to think.

"We never ate those, maybe we should go back home.... I don't think I can kill a whole antelope by myself. I can't kill anything bigger than me. Actually... I can't kill anything at all."

Monarch grinned sheepishly, her lips pulling back to reveal her rows of sharp, tiny, puppy teeth.

"What's your name anyway? Mom said I'll get to the point where I can do it, but for right now them and some of my other family go and kill something, and then bring it back to me and my brothers and sister. You should meet them...."

Monarch rambled on, somewhat incoherently as she began walking again, with little regard as to whether the cub was following her. She was in her own world now; a world of fresh new scents and sights and smells. The grass smelt bitter, the air tasted sweet.

[neo]

"okay sure so what are your family like"
he follows you

((right I can't take this anymore eveyones so creative am am stuck here doing one liners))

[Pel]

(OOC: Kudos on putting your character's speech in quotation marks, and on a seperate line than the rest of the action lines, though. You're improving, so don't give up now. Mastering roleplaying takes a while. Years, even. Some are luckier than others. You feel stuck doing one-liners, because you're not broadening your mind well enough. Note down EVERYTHING that your character sees. Is there a bug crawling on a nearby grass blade? Is there a bird, or a flock of birds flying to a far away tree? What are Neo's thoughts? What is he feeling? What is he remembering? What does he think about Monarch and her species? The possibilities are endless. Just try those suggestions, and you should be able to lengthen your posts. )

[neo]

(thanks)

Neo thought about the wolf and about why he had never saw on of her specis before but his mind soon diverted to a snake in the long grass"hye look a snake do you like snakes"Neo wouded this out aloud
"cus they're acctuaily not that bad"
Neo thought to himself a bit before chasing his tail

[Pel]

"My family? That's a big question.... My mom and pop are the leaders, only the leaders have babies. I have three aunts, a couple of big brothers, There's other big family members there, that aren't even in the family. Well...they're my family, they're just not my family. I mean, we're not....um....."

Again, she stopped, mid-step this time, and roughly plopped her rump to the ground.

"..What was that word..? ..Relate able? Retaliated? ..... Related! We're not related. I mean they're not related."

Snakes... "My mom brought a snake to me once to eat. I hated it. It was crunchy, I don't like crunchy."

[neo]

"I love crunchy things I rember when these humans came they felt all sorry for me on my own and they gave me this stuff they called ceral"
he pauses thinking for a moument
"it was really cruncy and sweet"
it starts to rain
"ahhh cool rain he starts diving in the mud again"
he has apparently been eased by making a new freind

[Pel]

"I didn't know lions ate cereal, I thought lions ate antelope..."

Monarch commented, idly.

"... are antelope crunchy and sweet?"

Thoughts whirled around Monarch's mind, as the rain started to pour. Usually when it rained back home, her family took her and her siblings and rushed them off to a form of shelter. But she couldn't understand why; true, it was cold and wet, but there was something incredibly refreshing about the feeling of rain running down her nose,

Monarch stopped in a patch of grass to watch the cub play, He seemed to be so carefree and lively, despite what he previously went through. How any young cub or pup could survive without their parents confused her - she could never survive off on her own without them; her parents fed her, cleaned her, and kept her warm.

Rain continued to patter against her paws, as she kept watching him. Would her family except him? Or would they banish him to survive off on his own? Even some adults couldn't survive on their own, how did he make it this far?

"Are you playing in the rain again?"

[neo]

"I don't it's just they gave me them"

Neo replyed playfully

"no they're more chewing and juciy"

he said hoping this answer would surffice

as he played on the ground he thought to himself what he was going to eat tonight what he was going to drink where he was going to do all this if it was in another lions territory and where at this specific moument

"you want me to show you where I live"

he gets up and walkes hopping you'd tag along

[Pel]

"But...." She answered, barely a tone above the pattering of the rain.

"You're hungry, right? I was going to show you my home, and maybe my family would let you come stay with us..."

Besides, two young creatures walking across an open Savannah was dangerous - they were prime targets for other predators - hyenas, leopards, warthogs, even other lions. The rain was their only safety-net, and on the African Savannah, rain could last for a short few minutes, or days on end.

Monarch was beginning to get nervous.

"..I think we should go to my home...."

"Hey, I really think we should go to my home!" She repeated, more loudly this time, sub-consciously following Neo's footsteps,

"Really, really we should go to my home...it's not safe around here..."

[neo]

trust me my homes are so bad even hyeans won't go theree there's no food no warter the shealter will more are less give you termites but hey I like it"

he said this with a smile

"anyway so what if hyeans or leponds are cheeates or lions or anything else that could kill us come the real thing you should worry about is getting into my home right about now the crocidiles shouldn't be there but there has been sometimes when they're in the river and I have to jump across it"

he laghths
"good times good times what you think that am going to stay in someone elshe's territory just becuse of some crocidiles who could rip you apart in one snap of their jaw anyway the main thing am worried about isn't other preadoters more the lions that kill you defending they're territory

[Pel]

(OOC: The notion of hyenas, leopards, cheetahs, or lions out to get a cub and a pup was thought, not spoken, Neo. Keep that in mind.)

"But..." She whispered again, nervously.

"If we go to my home, we'll be safe. Why would you want to go back somewhere that you ran from? My family would accept you, I don't think a bunch of lions would want either of us... And if there's no shelter there, then we'll freeze to death because the rain made us so wet. My home has shelter, we sleep in warthog dens. It's really safe. Come on, follow me. If you don't.... I'll..stay right here, and my parents will come find me.."

With that, she turned around to face a tree, and slowly waltzed over to it, dragging her paws against the mud.

"I'll stay right here. Getting rained on and wet and cold, until they come find us." She stated miserably, looking as pathetic as possible, perched there underneath the fanning tree, with her paws sinking into the mud of the Savannah, and her rump digging a deep impression into the ground.

"Maybe I'll freeze to death before they get me.... I probably will...." She stated again, a small chance of hope glinting in her eyes as she peered up underneath her bi-colored brows at the young cub.

And she waited, putting on a show of shivering and utter downheartedness with the hope that this cub would forget his homeland and its treacherous ways, and come stay with her, and her family.

[neo]

Neo laghed

"I guess that willl happen

he looks at you shiving

"you woun't freeze to death here"

the rain stops

"see"

[Pel]

(Neo - remember to include everything your character sees, or hears, so people roleplaying with you have more material to go off of

"Well I'm still staying here." Monarch stated determinedly, pouting.

"My family has a lot of territory, and I didn't run off too far, they'll find me soon. Besides, I don't want to be eaten by hyenas or other lions, and I was always told that if I want them to come find me, to stay in one place. And... I want them to come find me, so I'm staying here, right underneath this --ack!!"

Monarch let out a high-pitched squeal, and she darted back into the wet grass, her tail shooting straight up into the air. What she had believed to be a large, fanning tree during the downpour, was actually a rather tall, incredibly large elephant, that had been standing there very still in the rain.

"What-what are you?" She squeaked softly, gazing up at the long, curving tusks, and the large, fanning ears.

"Oh..." Grumbled the large beast, blinking its tiny eyes to gaze down at the two young creatures. She slowly looked around to view her surroundings, and then finally lowered her large head to try and see the two little creatures easier.

"What am I?" She repeated, slowly, as if she was trying to taste the words.

..Or remember what they meant.

"An African Elephant I am, and my name is....." She paused again, and once more, moved her large beast-like head around, to take a look at her surroundings.

"Grass blade. No, no that's not my name, dear. My name is... Oude Ogen, but many just call me 'Oude'." Her laugh was a large, bellowing, earthquake, that rumbled the ground beneath the feet of the two young ones.

"Did I hear you speak of waiting for your family, little creature?"

"Yes," Monarch replied breathlessly, still unsure of this large beast. Her heart told her Oude was a kind soul, but her mind ravaged her nerves with all the warnings she was given back home, should she ever find herself outside of the pack.

"I have a family..." Oude responded in kind, her large trunk curling over one of her long tusks, like a large, heavy snake.

"...I wonder what I did with them...."

Her eyes then landed upon the small cub, who had previously covered himself in wet, dirty, mud, now seemed to be baking - at least to her old eyes - in the Savannah sun that was peeking through the charcoal-gray clouds.

"You, fellow," Oude bellowed, gently,

"What are you doing outside of your pride? Many a lion of your kind has tried taking down one of my kind's young, and either had success or found failure. But you, you have a good heart. What are you doing here, on this open Savannah, with a young Painted Wolf?"

[neo]

"well for a start my pride where all killed my mouther was skinneed alive by my own autie and my Farther killed himself"

he closes his eyes momutery the focus on an small tree

"thing is the day is fine I get by I might even have some fun like I did today but when I try to go to sleep that's when I start having flashbacks the same thing happning over and over again trust me it is not a amusing sight seeing your mouther get killed again and again what am doing here well am trying to get something to eat I havn't ate in four days"

he breaths in deeply

"my mouther taught me how to hunt it's like she knew she was going to die"

[Pel]

"I'm sorry to hear that," Oude answered sympathetically,

"Sometimes creatures go bad. They can't handle the sight of themselves and what they've become. Sometimes parents would rather kill their own selves, than see their children suffer a day longer, and at the likelihood, they would rather kill their children, to prevent them from suffering a day longer, because they can't live with seeing it."

Oude unwound her trunk from her tusk, and stretched it forward to pet at the cub's head. "Your father had a selfish heart to have left you, dear; to leave you out in the wilderness to fend for yourself, or surely die, is a cruel tactic. You'd have been better off dead, rather than being left to survive for four days."

A large puff of air twisted out of her mouth, as she let out a sigh.

"You two may follow me, I cannot kill you some dinner, but I can lead you to an area that may serve the purpose. The killing will be up to you. Kill only the very weak, or the very young."

"But, wait..." Monarch whined again, her tail docked between her hind legs, "I need to wait for my parents, they'll come find me soon..my whole family will."

"Dear little one," Oude cooed, her trunk pulling away from Neo's head, to stroke at Monarch's face. "Haven't your parents always found you before? No matter where you hid? Parents know. I'm sure they know you're fine, and they're giving you the time to do good in the world and help out a fellow creature in need."

Oude slowly turned around, her wide girth parting the way in the long grass as if it were the Red Sea.

"For nights your mind will be haunted, little cub, until you realize it's doing you no good, your mind will always be at torment. It's up to you, to either fend for yourself, or find a creature that will fend for you. But never be hasty."

"Now, where are we going?" Oude asked, confused,

"The ocean, right?"

"No...." Monarch answered, hiding a hint of a giggle behind her sulking voice,

"The grasslands. To find antelope."

"Oh, yes," Oude replied, gracefully,

"Amazing flying creatures those antelope are. Can you catch flying antelope, little cub?"

[neo]

"why should you need to say sorry"Neo said with a slight smile

"and what the hell does that mean"
Neo said angryly he breaths in and out

"sorry I just so tense these days"

Neo growls when e hears what oude says he growls

"don't you dear talk about my dad like that again"

he grows angry with himself

"sorry I just don't like peapole talking about my dad like that it makes me upset"