Just a little practice (Anyone can jump in)

[The Hedgehog!!]

(OOC: I didn't know if you wanted me to RP as Kiara so I will just post as a random charrie. I hope thats okay)

Chephira slumped slightly, regretting the moment she had opened her eyes. It was far too hot, even for the Savannah. Her tongue lolled lazily out of her mouth, adding to the whole panting affect she had going on. Even under the gentle shade of this lone tree she had no hopes of keeping cool.

I could always go to the water hole for a quick swim... She thought to herself, but she kept finding excuses not to. After all, she probably shouldn't even be here. She was a loner, roaming on the outskirts of claimed lands. Not smart on her part. And yet, her intentions were to cross right through them, knowing it would be much quicker than going all the way around.

With an exasperated sigh, she extended her claws, griping into the crispy earth beneath her, and hauled her rump into the air. She paused for a moment, leaning this way and that, stretching out her stiff muscles. Her paws felt heavy with exhaustion, but she knew she shouldn't stay here long, so she pushed herself forward, setting a rather slow pace as she made her way across the open land. Out here, there were no hopes of hiding, and in her condition, there was no hope of outrunning another lion. If she was caught, she would be doomed. Under the shady tree, she had at least had some form of camouflage; the shadows matching her darker hued fur exceptionally well.

"Well, here I go. Lets hope for the best."She mumbled to herself, a habit she had taken on out of loneliness. With a flick of her tail, she bounded forward, relying on her long term endurance to hold up the run until she made it to the other side.

[neo]

(hey this is a random hyean char I madeup)

"Arhhh"Enzi gworled he had been chainede o a tree by his number one enimies humans they always took and took and took and never gave he really wanted to get out beacuse he had spelt a lion his number 2 enemy he gave it his all in one finnaly tug and came free "YEEEEESSSSSS arhhhhhhhh"he had slammed into a tree the meatl chain flew acros wrapping around the hyeans neck wrapped along the tree then pused his frout legs to his side the chain wrapped across his body the tree and his back legs leaving only his tail and his hea visabily it was wrapped around him so tight that even with the heaviest push he couldnt get out he saw the lion he sected early and thought what she would do to him

"ohh this looks really bad"

[Zorayda]

(OOC) okies Neo, some tips:

It seems to me that you tend to write run-on sentences (which all of us are guilty of at some point).

Run ons make people skip lines and skim over your post. Nobody wants to write a post that's not read, right? A tip to you: try writing out two, three, or four sentences and then spacing them out by hitting enter twice, creating a new paragraph. This will allow reader's minds to absorb your writing in more understandable pieces instead of all at once.

Make sense? Just thought I would throw some tips out there.

Also, perhaps a bit more description? I know that people love to read things with vivid, lifelike action and characters.

You are very good at moving plot forward and creating action sequences that spice up the roleplay, however; please do more of that as well. Great job!

[epppe]

One more tip Neo, use spell check or go over what you write to correct any spelling errors. It seems that your posts have a few of them and most people don't want to try and guess what you are writing.

[Miradi]

Miradi paced across the savanna, his thin feminine form showed his lean muscles. His paws cast up clouds of dirt, eyes gazing at the never ending plains. The tan lion had been hoping to find a watering hole, but that last he'd come across had been dry. Head hanging low he drudged onwards pausing only when the scent of hyena and lion brushed his nose. He raised an eyebrow at the sight of the chain, grinning with amusement

[neo]

"ohh this just get's wors and worse"the hyean sighed and half hartly tried to get out

[The Hedgehog!!]

(OOC: Would you guys like me to continue rping with you in here? I don't mind doing it if you want to. Practice never hurts anyone.)

[Deleted]

If you feel like rping to help the others carry on ..

[neo]

((yes keep rping with us the more the better))

[The Hedgehog!!]

(OOC: Okay, I will continue here then.)

A distant stirring caught her attention; a large cloud of dust was accompanied by the scent of hyena and lion. She was reluctant to change her course any more than she had to, but curiosity got the better of her. She slowed her pace, and darted to the right, to wards the scene. As she neared, her eyes layed gaze on a tan lion, who appeared to be laughing at a Hyena who had gotten himself tangled up.

She raised an eyebrow in question, wondering what had happened to begin with. Her paws drug her forward, feeling a bit of pity for the chained creature. She mossied over to him, pawing at the chains until the unwrapped themselves and fell to the dry, cracked ground.

"Congratulations, you are free." She said with an obvious lack of interest. Her large head swiveled, glancing at the other lion, before shrugging and turning back around to continue on her way. Normally, she would have taken more interest in terrorizing the hyena, but she figured the male lion could handle it with ease. And she had somewhere she needed to get to.

[neo]

"ahhh thanks"Enzi said he thought that this lion was rather freindly and probily didn't mind her the other lion on the othe hand he would be quite happy to kill him and wach the blood twinkle dow his claws and fangs like blackcerry coolde"hmmm blackcherry coolad"hethought to himself

[The Hedgehog!!]

((OOC: Okay Neo, just some tips. You obviously know how to keep things moving, and how to put muse and interesting things in your posts. However, people get a tired of trying to decipher misspelled words, or jumbled sentences and other grammatical errors. For example, that last post, there wasn't one period. None. Not to mention a lot of misspelled words, left out spaces, and a huge run on sentence. This is how that post should look like:

"Ahhh, thanks," Enzi said. He thought that this lion was rather friendly and probably didn't mind hyenas. The male lion on the other hand, he would be quite happy to kill him and watch the blood trickle down his claws and fangs like black-cherry koolaid. Mmmmmm, black-cherry koolaid he thought to himself.

Now compare that to yours. Which one would you prefer to read??
Do you see where I am coming from? All I am saying is that you just need to slow down a little. Take your time and think about what you are typing. Its not like we are all going to vanish, and half of the time, the people you are posting to aren't even on because we are all from different time zones. Keep in mind that there is a spell check built in. It's not like we are asking you to go look up these words. I hope you take my tips and put them to use, it will help you become a really good rper, who people enjoy rping with. ))

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

The tanned lioness glanced back once more, her gaze drifting to the helpless hyena behind her. Sure she wasn't very fond of the species, but they had never done anything to directly harm her. With a slightly annoyed sigh, she tucked her haunches under and pulled to a stop. She swung around and hobbled towards the creature. A small glance towards the male gave her all she needed to know. If the lion wanted to eat the poor thing, he would have no trouble. She padded up beside the dog-like carnivore and whispered in her ear.

"If you want to live much longer, I suggest you leave with me. I while escort you to the boarder, but no further. No lion will mess with you while I am by your side." There was a slight hiss to her voice, just a tone of urgency. She felt her fur prickle with anxiety; she just wanted to make it to the other side of this territory, and fast.

[neo]

"arhhh okay sure what about him"he nodded his head towards the other male lion then stopped thinking he shouldn't off done that "am probably dead now" he gulped "sure lets go now please"

vvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv sorry I couldn't think of anything else by the way whats a period

[The Hedgehog!!]

((OOC: A period, is the little dots you put at the end of sentences (This->.)
And I want you to try something. Read over your post. Does it make sense to you? Because I honestly cannot figured out what your hyena is trying to say. Try correcting it. Add some capitol letters, and some punctuations. Nice job on your spelling though. ))

[Deleted]

OK.. Neo I'll show you what your post should have looked like..

(This was yours)
"arhhh okay sure what about him"he nodded his head towards the other male lion then stopped thinking he shouldn't off done that "am probably dead now" he gulped "sure lets go now please"

(Should have been)
"arhhh okay sure what about him ?".
He nodded his head towards the other male lion, and then stopped, thinking maybe he shouldn't have done that I'm probably dead now.
Gulping quickly , he turned to her "sure lets go now please".

Your spelling is improving, we all make mistakes but the Spellcheck is great for fixing them.
If you read whoever is rolplaying with you, their post, watch where they put full stops, commas etc and how they spread out their post.

Safila

[Dakota]

Ayesha pushed herself back under an overhanging bush, when she saw the lion approach to where a lioness and hyena were standing exchanging words.

Looking downwards she saw her paws were still noticeable to anyone who should perhaps glance her way. slowly inch by inch she pulled them in, till at last they were concealed along with the rest of her body.

Lifting her head once more, she blew air out through her mouth, moving away any unwanted fur that was blocking her vision, and then her eyes caught up with what was still before her. No one was moving, the three were now stationary and eyeing each other up.

[The Hedgehog!!]

A small chuckled escaped her lips. The hyena seemed to have no problem with wanting to get out of here soon. Hopefully he wouldn't drag her down too much. Her fur was still crawling with anxiety from being on claimed lands. With a flick of her tail, she spun around and leapt forward into a short strided bound. She glanced over her shoulder, hoping the other creature was following.
"C'mon. If you wanna roll with me you have to keep up." She personally, had no care as to if this hyena lived or died, but hey, there is nothing wrong with a good deed right?

[neo]

his fur pricked up and so did his ears.He was unneverd but he saw this may of been his only chance of survival.

"o..okay lead the way"

[Dakota]

(ooc . thats good Neo.. now in your next post, lets see if you can get to writing four lines)

Resting her chin, once again on her front paws,the female liard watched anxiously so see if a fight was going to break out between these strangers.
Ayesha's eyes flicked between the lioness who seemed to be wanting the hyena to go with her as the chains that had bound his body, were now laying broken in a pile on the dry dusty ground and then her eyes moved over to the lion, he just stood not moving a muscle, waiting.

[The Hedgehog!!]

With a sigh she slowed her pace just a bit. No sense in wearing him out now and having to drag him along later. She made no attempt to start conversation, but simply kept her eyes forward, ears pricked, and body low. She really didn't want to be here, and now she had made a rather stupid mistake of rescuing a hyena. Her head shook slightly as she mumbled to herself.
"Really Cheph.... really? A hyena...?"