My first try

[Deleted]

Malaika lay by her adoptive father yawning she was extremely hungry, "Shujaa I want to go hunting." She said raising her head off her paws. She watched as Shujaa lay there thinking, eventually he nodded. Malaika grinned. She turned on her heel and bounded off. "Be careful!" He shouted after her. "I will! I am a adolescence Shujaa" Malaika called over her shoulder. Shujaa laughed and called a replied, "I know you are but just be careful!" Malaika raised a paw to show she had heard and understood.

It wasn't long before Malaika came across a lone antelope foal grazing calmly. Malaika smirked and lay in the long grass, it covered her body but made her itch. The foal raised it's small head and looked around. Malaika prowled forward slowly keeping her prey in plain view. Malaika began to pick up speed running towards the small foal with her teeth bared. Malaika pounced and dug her sharp claws into the foal. It feel to the ground with a whinny. The blood of the foal leaked out covering Malaika's muzzle. Malaika pulled her teeth out of the small foal and looked down at it, smiling triumphantly.

As Malaika went to drag the foal an adolescence male lion came towards her slowly

[Kirsui]

Seems very good. One Thing I could point out though is the ending of the post. Unless you're the one RPing that adolescent male lion, you shouldn't put that type of things into your posts since it could be considered trying to control other players' characters.

If you leave that part away, other players can choose themself if they will take the prey from your character, or simply talk to your character, or try make your character to share the prey etc.